Playboybunnyisdumb.

I’m obviously not the type of person that’s against body modification.

Okay......scarification really creeps me out sometimes.  Sometimes I think it’s cool.  But seriously it’s kind of creepy.....but I feel as if I have no right to say that because I have a love affair with piercings/tattoos.  At one point in time, they were looked at as disgusting too, before they made their way into pop culture.

Anyway.  I’m not against body modification.  Piercings aren’t permanent, so I don’t generally have a problem with getting them on a whim just to try it out.  The scars aren’t even noticeable unless you’re looking for it, they’re literally about the size of a pinprick if you’ve taken proper care of your piercing.  Tattoos, however.....are permanent.  You’re stuck with those for life, so they sure as hell better mean something.

There’s this girl.  She’s a junior.  She has a really poorly done pink heart with a black playboy bunny head right in the middle of it....on her hip.  And it’s not like it’s a small tattoo, it’s only a little smaller than my palm.

GIRL WHAT DA HECK YOU THINKIN. YOU’RE NOT EVEN A PLAYBOY BUNNY THAT THING MEANS NOTHING TO YOU.

If you’re aspiring to be a playboy bunny....you might want to reevaluate your priorities.

Things like that piss me off.

I’m getting a tattoo on the inside of my right arm that says, “I am not alone.”  It’s from the mission statement of a group that I’m really into...It’s like a support system for drug abuse, depression, abuse, self harm, and just general negative things that people tend to live with.  They’re trying to get people to realize that their lives do matter.  And I’m really into that.  And they’ve helped me before and provided motivation for me to change certain things about myself.  This is just a reminder for myself...to keep the change that I’ve managed to bring upon myself, and not to go back to old habits.  It’s a reminder that I find myself needing in more ways than one sometimes.

I’m also getting a tree...it goes from the inside of one hip, to my back and up my shoulder blade.  On the middle, there are little blooming flowers, which are a pale pink, and the only color on the entire design.  It’s a symbol of life.  I am alive.  Despite everything...I’m alive, and I’m growing to be the best person I can be.  It’s a new beginning.  I’m transforming from the dark, gray person I used to be and into someone with a zest for life and being alive.  I’m embarking on a new part of my life.  The flowers on the tree are symbols of spring....I’m in the spring of my life.  Winter is over, the darkest days are over, and I’m still here.  Growing.  Blossoming.  Becoming more beautiful in spirit.

If you’re going to put something permanently on your body...I don’t see why you’d want something meaningless.  It should be something to remind you of where you’ve been and where you’re trying to go.  It shouldn’t be something that people can look at and dismiss as “ugly.”  It should be a part of you and your beauty. Because we all are uniquely beautiful.

You =/= me. Them =/= you.

I have this friend.  Let’s call this friend a she because girls are generally irrational.

I have a friend that likes to compare everyone else’s problems with her own.

She likes to say that someone doesn’t know “real pain” because they haven’t experienced the exact hardships of her life.  She likes to say that people don’t “understand” her because her life is so hard.

Let me tell you girl, you don’t know hard.  You have parents that love you, you have a house, you have food, you have siblings, and you have known happiness.

I’ve known darker places than most people have.  I’ve known what it’s like not to be loved, or cared about, and I’ve known what it’s like to exist only as a burden to the people I’m with.  And yet....I seem to be much more content with myself and my life, and I don’t feel the incessant need to criticize everyone and compare them to myself.  I understand that our experiences are different, and so obviously different things are going to cause them pain and hurt than what cause me such emotions.

All life is relative.  Thus, because we all experience different things to shape our opinions, and because we all are different emotionally, everything about life is going to have a different effect.  I cannot logically hold someone to the same standards of pain that I know.  I cannot logically tell someone that their problems aren’t “real” problems just because they may not be the same, or as drastic, as my own.  Because to that person, they’re real.  And especially when those people are your friends, you should be doing everything in your power to make them feel better, not shoot them down and tell them they’re being stupid and weak.

I may say that no one is going to fully understand me because they don’t know what I’ve known...but we can never truly understand anyone.  Not completely.  But I’m okay with that.

ACT SAT NMSQT LMNOP

Standardized tests are REALLY unfair.

I just took the SAT the other week.  I thought I rocked its world.

At least I hope...because I didn’t do that hot on the ACT.  I consistently reassure myself by telling myself that I took the ACT on the day that I got sick with something that made me lost 5 pounds over the course of three days.

Regardless.  I’m aware that they’re “standardized” for a reason...To compare every potential college student against one another.  But different schools teach different things.  We’re all prepared differently.  There’s this whole array of different things that the colleges want us to know...but at the same time, our teachers have to teach in order to meet the state requirements.  We can’t satisfy everything.  There are only so many hours in a day.

The science section of the ACT is probably the most unfair section out of both tests.  The questions and scenarios are ridiculous.  The only reason I get through it and score well is by skipping the setup scenario and data ENTIRELY and going to the questions, then looking at a specific set of data and answering the question.  And only look at what the question is asking.  Because all of the information they give you is completely unnecessary, and I would not be surprised at ALL if they are just testing your ability to sort through BS.

That’s what a lot of life seems to be, though, so maybe it’s an applicable part of the test....

Again, it’s just completely unfair for them to judge us and basically determine our future based upon what they think we should know.  Going to college should be determined by our ability to gain knowledge and retain knowledge...not guessing what we’re going to need to know for a  test.

AGT pairs with TCA

“You are your parents.”

In bio we keep talking about this...and how no matter how much we try and say otherwise, we are a product of our parents.  They made us.  Everything that was inside of them is now inside of us....without them, we are nothing.

Thinking about that scares me.  I don’t exactly have the best genes.

I’m assuming that no one reads this and I dearly hope I’m right.

If we are our parents, then I feel as if you can just look at where they are to know where you’re going to go in life.  I know this isn’t exactly accurate, but if you look at families, they all generally resemble each other.  Of course there’s always the black sheep, but in general...families are patterns.

I can’t exactly go too far back with this seeing as my real family is all probably dead in Vietnam.  My mother and uncle were adopted twins.  My adoptive grandmother...well, I guess she’s also my mother because of some legal family matters...weird...but she’s generally not what I want to turn out like.  She’s uneducated, and uninformed, but she acts as if she is both well educated AND informed.  In reality, she’s not.  She’s a highly bias conservative that claims to be an independent.  My grandfather is someone that thinks he’s much smarter than he is because he got into a big corporation before there was a serious stress on education.  My mother didn’t even go to college and instead danced around poles until ten or so years ago.  My dad is/was a conman that we ran away from for a plethora of reasons.  Everyone I grew up around and everyone I’m a part of is someone I don’t want to be like.

Abused children always say they’re not going to be like their parents...but most of the time, they just end up doing the same things.  Am I going to be like that?  Does my extreme duress over worrying about this make it less probable that I’m going to turn out like them?

I don’t want to be a product of my genes and I don’t want to turn into the people I’ve come from.  I’m dedicated to changing myself as much as possible to be as unlike them as possible.  But in trying to change myself so drastically, will I even be myself anymore?  Or will I just lose my identity?  Is that better or worse than just becoming a screw up, if that’s who I am?

F genetics.

gtfo.

This is going to be a short spew of frustration..... :|

When I was at the gym today, there was a woman walking on a treadmill....and talking on the phone.  I don’t understand what the heck she thinks she’s doing, but obviously if you’re able to talk on a phone in completely comprehensible speech, you’re not exactly working hard enough.

But some people go to the gym and workout for completely superficial reasons.  I feel as if half of the people that “work out” only go there and put in as minimal amount of work as possible just to make themselves feel better about their bodies.  If you’re not there to do yourself any real good, then you might as well get out and stop using something that some of us could be putting to better use.

I go to the gym because it makes me healthy.  It gives me confidence.  And I’m just better off physically, because goodness knows I didn’t exactly start off with the best health.  But people like that...who can completely disregard that they’re not doing anything to better themselves...make me mad.  You’re already there, you’re already on the thing, at least put in some real effort.  Or lift some weights.  I love weights.

It just seems like a waste of time.  Go read a book instead.

There’s also a man that always goes on the stationary bike and reads...I meet so many interesting people at the gym.

Like the man that takes the clock off the wall.  But that’s another story.

2012 may only be a little off....

The apocalypse is going to basically just be a massive world war over food.

By 2050, the world population is predicted to be 9 billion.  We’re going to have to produce as much food in the next 40 years as we have in the past 8 thousand.  That’s a lot of food.  The only reason we’ve even been able to produce as much food as we have is because of genetic engineering....and even that can only be taken so far.  HOW are we going to produce enough food to feed 9 billion people?

We’re all going to go insane.  And kill each other over food.  I wish this was a joke, but in all seriousness it’s completely plausible.

However, I suppose it’ll bring back a sense of “survival of the fittest”.  Ever since we started inventing things to accommodate the less “superior” people, humans have been passing on less efficient genes.  People who lacked cleverness or strength used to be taken care of by predators, or starve because they couldn’t fend for themselves.  But we accommodate for those people in modern society.  But if we literally have to fight to eat...then the less genetically fortunate human beings are going to be picked right out of society all over again.

Well, I guess it’s just another form of population control.

Welcome back.

Recently I’ve become reacquainted with someone that I wish had stayed part of my life during the time that our friendship was nonexistent.

We were friends a while ago, and a chain of events severed that.  However, now that we’re older and more mature...things are starting to work again.  We’re starting to work again.  I don’t know them very well anymore, but at the same time, I feel as if I know them better than anyone.  Because we began with each other...our start through the journey of adolescence began with each other.  So in a way, we helped to form the people we are today.  We both know who we were before we were who we are now...if that makes any sense at all.

Regardless.  I feel as if I can’t go where I’m supposed to go in life without remembering where I’ve been.  So this friendship, come back to haunt me from wherever it was hiding, is probably a good thing...I hope.

I wish we’d kept being friends.  I don’t trust many people.  But this person knew more about me than anyone at the time.  It’s hard to live without someone you can confide in.  I guess when I lost that friendship I also lost that convenience.  Maybe that’s why I’m crazy.

Living in isolation is impossible, but I tried....and I tried hard.  But it ended up doing more harm than good.

This is a lesson in remembering what’s truly important, and how nothing should get in the way of those things.