Get a room

I’m not a huge supporter of strong emotions.  I believe that it takes a lot of capacity to be able to feel love, hate, loathing, true adoration, etc.  Thus, I don’t believe that we really love many people, nor do we really hate many people.  Many of the friends we say we love, we really don’t, and it’s just a combination of passive contentment and compatibility.

This is exactly why I get annoyed every time I see an “I love you babyyyy!!!!” on facebook.  One, because you most likely do not love that person.  You probably just say it as routine to everyone you date.  Because if you really meant it, you would say it to their face, not on a network where everyone in the world can see it.  And if they retaliated with, “it’s just because I’m not ashamed to let people know we’re in love,” I would come back with, “if you really loved them you wouldn’t care if people knew or not, and would just act like you really felt that way by respecting your emotional privacy.”

Real love needs no declaration.  Real love is evident within actions.  Real love is meaningful, not to be taken lightly, and taken for granted way too much.  Every time I see people proclaim their love for each other on facebook, I’m disappointed in the ignorance of society’s youth.

Seeing such a naive declaration of emotions they cannot even comprehend makes me cringe.  To really be capable of love, you must know a person completely.   You must feel their pain, feel their misery, feel their joy, and their hope.  You must be an extension of them, and they of you.  And the teenagers I see declaring their love for each other via facebook at every hour of the day, definitely do not have that.

Stay classy

I don’t understand the point of “winning the breakup.”

Be them broken up recently or long ago, it’s notorious that two people who used to be in a relationship are usually on bad terms.  They pretend to hate each other.  They talk smack.  They steal friends.  They lie, push, and shove themselves into the position where they think they’re winning the breakup.

That is, the position where they think more people have pity for them than for their ex.

First of all, I don’t understand why people want to be pitied.  I’d rather be commended for what I’m able to overcome than pitied for what I let bring me down.  Secondly, people don’t realize that by doing all of this, they’re really just turning themselves into a worse person.  I believe that the result of a breakup should be gaining knowledge.  Knowledge about yourself, what you need, what you can provide, and most importantly, how you can change yourself into a better person based upon the experiences you’ve had with a significant other.

I look at relationships as experiences and opportunities to grow; the last thing I would think to be logical is by devolving yourself by stooping down so low as “winning” requires.

Lastly, I don’t understand the point of hating an ex.  Unless they did some awful thing to you, there’s nothing really to hate.  They made mistakes, you made mistakes, and it was just another relationship that ran its course, no matter how long or short that happened to be.  Also, unless there was some drastic change in them, or your taste, they’re still the person you got into a relationship with.  Thus, they should still have that one quality that just gets to you; the one irresistible thing that makes them likable to you.  And because they have that, I believe that after a while, being friends with an ex is a really good thing.  Because obviously, there was something about them that made you like them more than you like other people, and it’d be a shame to lose that.

But I guess my point is that I don’t understand why more people don’t just get over it and move on, because it’s sure as hell not easy but it’s definitely not going to change.

I'll be everything you never expected me to be

I like to think that I modify my body because I like the way it looks, and maybe for some symbolic reasons, and that’s it.  But the truth is, there’s so much more to it than that, and the reasons are less than what you could call reasonable.  They’re crazy reasons, but we’re all a little crazy.

When I got my non ear piercing, I realized how people approached me differently.  Peers thought I was automatically a huge rebel.  Teachers expected me to slack off and be relatively two dimensional.  Parents hated that they thought I’d get their kids in trouble when we hung out.  Everyone thought the worst of me, but they were surprised to find out that their assumptions were wrong.

Of course I’m slightly rebellious, I’m a teenager.  But predominantly, I keep to myself and don’t do things that I really think are that wrong.  I’ve always taken school seriously, and didn’t stop because I started getting piercings and dying my hair.  And I’ve never been the friend to drag other friends into trouble.  I surprise people because they expect the worst of me based upon my appearance.  And I love proving them wrong.

I do really like piercings, tattoos, and a lot of really grungy fashion.  And as I continued to get more done, I discovered what I liked more was to be able to prove people wrong.  I love being able to show them that I am so much more than they think me to be.  I love defying their expectations.  Because showing people they’re wrong about you is one of the best feelings in the world.  And maybe, if I’m lucky, I just helped someone out - maybe they won’t be so quick to judge with someone else.

You said you'd love me forever

Though there are exceptions to every instance, most parents do genuinely love their children.  Children are parents’ lives; they’re an extension of themselves, created from their own flesh and blood.  And some parents have star children: polite, hard working, and well rounded.  And these parents adore their children as the light of their days.

So I don’t understand why when these parents find out that their children are gay, it goes from unconditional love to irrevocable hate.  I can understand the dislike, misunderstanding, and aversion to homosexuality.  I may be hurt or offended when I find out people are homophobic, but they’re entitled to their opinion as long as they don’t judge me based solely upon that aspect of my being.

But I cannot understand how a parent can hate a child after loving them so deeply simply because they learn of their sexual nature.  Most likely, that child has been aware of their sexuality for a long, long time before getting the guts to confess it to friends, let alone parents, and I say this because I know it to be true.  So that parent loved that child even when they weren’t heterosexual.  Their child never changed, just the parents’ knowledge of their child.  But they still manage to hate them, just because of who they happen to be attracted to.

This is just one of those, “what they don’t know can’t hurt them,” situations.  Because them knowing can hurt the most, and it’s a chance that just isn’t worth the risk sometimes.

I love your curves

I love the sway of your hips and the curve of your lips.  When you look my way, I couldn’t care less about the way you dress or the color of your flesh.  You’re beautiful, you’re appealing, and you’re a goddess.

Beauty rests in the eye of the beholder, but the eye has constantly changing perceptions.  We are attracted to people we believe to be beautiful.  Beauty used to be based upon one’s ability to produce and care for a family.  That is, strong, quick thinking men, and lustrous, fertile women.

Men used to be attracted to healthy women. Womanly women.  Women with substance and curve.  Now, the predominant view of beautiful women consists of absolutely STUNNING facial features, an extremely slim, yet somehow full bust and butt, physique, and just an overall look that most of us will never come close to.  Men used to be attracted to women who looked like they could handle themselves, whereas now attraction is extremely superficial.

I don’t know why this has changed so much, but I wish I did.  I don’t like really thin girls.  I’m afraid they’re going to break.  I love curvy women, think they’re beautiful in every way, and am reminded of Eve (ironically because I’m far from religious) when I see them.  Curves used to be a symbol that the woman was able to reproduce offspring and bear them without complication.  But that doesn’t appeal to a lot of men now, and I hate that.  Our bodies are what they are.  We don’t have time to make them perfect, as much as we may try.

Attraction used to be linked to health, but all of the things that attract people in modern days seem to be things that encourage unhealthy habits.

Better than you isn't good enough?

Progress reports are inefficient.  By the time they reach our houses, there are most likely new grades in the grade book, and our official grade is probably different.  With PIV, I really don’t think that progress reports are necessary.

And yet my grandparents get caught up in them every time.

You’re not doing well enough.  Why isn’t this higher?  Are you doing your homework? Why don’t you take this seriously?  Do you want to get into a good school?

Bs are unheard of in my household, and until this year, I’ve never gotten one.  Never.  I’m too scared, and aside from that, I have goals.  But I’ve accepted that since classes are generally harder this year, I’m allowed to slip.  Especially since a few slips means I still have much over a 4.0. which is considered extremely decent in most places.

Aside from that, neither of my grandparents, whom I live with, did very well in school.  At all.  I’m not biologically related to either of them, but it’s still believed that intelligence is inherited, just more through environment, not genetics.  My grandfather went to college for four years.  My mother barely graduated high school, and never went further than that.  My uncle went into the marines, and later went to culinary school.  Needless to say, I haven’t come from the best educational background, even if some of them have done decently for themselves.

And they still have the audacity to tell me I’m not doing well enough.  I’m not even doing poorly, not at all.  I’m still aiming for valedictorian, I’m still so close to valedictorian, I still play sports, I still join clubs, and I still remain a decently well rounded individual.  But because I don’t have 95% or above in every single one of my classes, I’m not doing well enough for my family’s standards.

I understand that life is unfair, but don’t you dare hold expectations to me that you yourself are unable to meet.

Can you tell...?

I hate choosing which eye to look at while talking to someone.  I ALWAYS wonder if they can tell which one I’m looking at, and it always bugs me.  Sometimes, I try staring at the place on their nose between each eye, but then I become paranoid that they can tell that I’m looking at that, also.  I don’t even know why I care so much about what they can see...I’m sure they don’t really care.

But this brings me to another point: people don’t look into each other’s eyes enough while speaking with them.  Looking someone in the eye is a show of confidence.  It shows that you’re confident in yourself and what you’re saying.  If someone isn’t looking me in the eye, I assume they aren’t sure of themselves, and am automatically uninterested in whatever they have to say.  If you’re not sure about what you’re speaking of, how can I be sure?  How can you ask me to believe something that you may not believe yourself?  You can’t.  So look at me when you’re talking to me if you want me to actually hear what you have to say, otherwise let me get on with what I’m doing and come back when you’re sure of yourself.

Momma always told me

Don’t talk to strangers.  Look both ways before you cross the street.  If you’re ever in trouble, don’t yell, “Help!” yell, “Fire!” because someone sure as hell isn’t going to put their neck on the line to save you, but they will come to watch a fire.

This realization made me ashamed to be a human being, because it’s true.  If you yell fire, other people will be interested, and come to watch.  We’re mesmerized by destruction.  I once watched a movie where there was a series of live killings online, and the more people whom were watching it, the more gruesome the killing was.

However, if someone is in danger and we’re called to help, we shy away.  We don’t want to be threatened ourselves, but we’re fine to watch.  Which, though it may not be right, is understandable.  The desire to survive urges us to stay as far away from danger as possible.

There’s not really much else to say about this.  It was just a realization that shocked me a little. 

Penalized...for being active in our community?

There’s this friend that I honestly think is superwoman.  She does everything.  On top of all of the work in IB, she manages highlights, play practice, costuming, games, band practices, etc etc etc.  She does so much in our school, and I’ve come to realize that although she really enjoys it and not I nor anyone else could ever ask her to quit, she doesn’t really....get compensated.  Yes, she does through the sheer enjoyment of everything, but because she does so much else aside from academics, she doesn’t really have much time left for academics.  And all though I think she does REALLY well, I know her grades suffer at least a little.  How could they not, when she doesn’t get home some days until way past 9:00pm?

I realize that this is completely unrealistic.  I realize that there’s probably no plausible way to do this.  But I really wish GPA, class rank, etc, wasn’t just based soley off of academics.  Because to people like my friend, who take on both a rigorous course load and an abundance of extra curriculars, it just doesn’t seem....fair.

But I realize that since you can’t be graded on extra curriclars it’s impossible, and grading those would take the fun away from them anyway.  And yes, you can say that colleges look at other activities aside from GPA and class rank when you apply, but when someone asks you your class rank, you can’t just be like, “Oh, I’m this, but I do these other things too” because that’s not what they’re asking, and you sound arrogant and boastful.

I guess I just want people to take into account that truly dedicated people do more than just focus their lives around school; they find a balance between school, and other things that will help them develop and grow in other ways.

And so you know girl, I’m really, really proud of you.  Can’t wait to see the play.  You’re going to be wonderful.

Enjoy your cancer

I’m somewhat infamous for speaking my mind, no matter how critical it may be.  And recently I called a girl out for making a huge deal out of not being able to go to a tanning bed anymore.  The reason?  She’d developed white sunspots on her skin.

AND SHE STILL WANTED TO GO.

People are freaking crazy.  And my grandparents wonder why I’m so intolerant.  But either way, I called her out.  She got defensive, called me a few names, and I told her that all of her points were invalid because I was simply stating that tanning was really bad for you, obviously portrayed by her current skin happenings.  I told her she was going to get skin cancer at the rate she was going.  Then...a crazy thing happened.   Her friend butted in, and said, “It’s okay, we can have skin cancer together.”  She said it....as if it was a good thing.  Further, she said, “Maybe she’s just afraid of going tanning,” referring to me of course.  I’m not afraid, I just realize how bad it is for your body.  But I was baffled.  These girls were idiots.  Another guy said, “You know both of my grandparents died of melanoma, and they didn’t even go tanning,” which made the friend sound pretty bad.  But I really just can’t believe she looks at skin cancer as something to blow off as if it’s nothing.

Whatever, they’ll all pay in a few years when they have severe skin damage and look like raisins.

You've ruined it

Today in biology, we learned about prokaryotic cells.  Prokaryotic cells are bacteria.  Prokaryotic cells are unicellular and lack a nucleus.  Thus, they reproduce asexually. And they reproduce fast.  They attach themselves to any surface that they can, and reproduce themselves all over it.

Thus, the five second rule has just flown out the window.

If you drop your food on the ground, bacteria are multiplying like rabbits the moment it makes contact.  By the time you can pick it up, there will be hundreds of little squirmy unicellular organisms all over it. And if you dare eat that food, you had better hope your immune system is awesome, because those little guys are going to swim around inside of you. 

This genuinely upset me.  I drop things all of the time; I’m a really clumsy girl.  And now everything that I drop is officially a breeding ground. Well, it always has been, but now I know about it.  And now I’m grossed out.  I guess this is just one of those, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you,” situations, because I’ve survived through it thus far without knowing it, but now the fear just might kill me.

E= mc whaaaaaat

I LOVE MATH.

But I hate the simple mistakes I make in it.  I made one mistake on a quiz that cost me half a point.  I was half a point away from a perfect score, and that small gap killed my ego.  However, it was completely my fault because I didn’t look over my answers.  I never look over my answers.  I don’t know why, it’s just habit not to. Yet I always make a stupid, little mistake, and every time I COULD check my answers, I don’t, knowing that there could be a mistake to fix.

Math is my strong point.  I am the definition of asian.  I adore math, I’m in math club, I look forward to starting new topics in math......I can’t help it.

It’s a cycle.  The definition of insanity is repeating the same action many times and expecting different results.  I guess this means I’m insane, because I never change my habits.

We fall into habits so much in our every day lives, because habits make things easier.  When you follow a habit, you know what to expect, you know how to react, and everything is predictable.  We thrive in situations we’re comfortable with.  But this cycle isn’t comfortable, so it doesn’t make sense for me to stay in it.

Honestly it’s probably my math ego thinking I’m too good to check answers or make mistakes, even though inductive reasoning says otherwise.

Consider this lesson learned

First quarter has been a huge, huge learning experience.  I’ve learned not to put things off.  Sketchbook, at home project, journals, portfolio...they’re all about to kill me, or have already done their part.

I’ve stayed up until ungodly hours doing my sketchbook.  Who knew that a journal all about what we do in Art could ever be hard?  Actually, it’s not hard.  It just takes a lot of time, because it involves making connections between history, culture, and the art you’re trying to produce.  It’s really, really interesting when you do it in accordance to your art.

The at home project is supposed to reflect 18 hours of work.  18 hours over a course of two days is nine hours per day.  Add on the fact that said project may take even longer than 18 hours.  Needless to say, I pulled consecutive all nighters in order to finish that project in time.

These journals are going to kill me.  I love being insightful, but producing an abundance of thoughts about things I witness in live all at once is slightly stressful.

The math portfolio does not consist of hard math.  But formally writing about math proves harder than the math itself, thus making it a tedious process.

What I’m trying to say: time management is key to not shooting myself in the head next quarter.

I'm not your bitch, and I'm sure not your friend anymore

I don’t understand girls.  I guess not girls in general....just this certain group of girls.  Those girls.  I mean, we all know who they are, how stupid they are, and just...generally where they’re not going in life.  But they continuously amaze me.  I walk down the hall, I hear, “Hey hoeeee!”  I log into facebook, I see a status, “Hanging out with my bitchessss,” though of course much less grammatically incorrect than that.

If they were my friend, they sure as hell wouldn’t be calling me a bitch, hoe, or any of the other terms I’ve seen.  What in the world drives these girls to address their friends like this?  I don’t understand.  I don’t understand at all.  Because in no context is “bitch” a term of endearment.

I don't think you can handle that

There are some people that try to be the best at absolutely everything.  They try and outdo everyone at everything, and in the process, can’t put their full effort into anything.  It would seem that these people have the right idea; trying to be the best that they can be at absolutely everything that they can.  And to a certain extent, this could be good.  But there comes a time in your life when you really need to focus your skills on one area, and their competitive edge won’t let them.  And when others start focusing in and excelling in their areas of expertise, these people will still try to be the best of the best in all fields, and thus will fall behind in all fields.

To establish our niche in society we must focus our skills on one area, and do our best at that, instead of trying to do everyone else’s jobs too.

It's getting lonely in here

IB kids don’t have many friends.  Stereotypically.  But stereotypes only exist because it happens enough within a specific group for the observation to even be made.  There is an accumulation of reasons for this stereotype, many of which I agree with, and each of which I know a handful of people that it describes.

IB kids don’t have time for friends.  As much as BDavis claims that IB is not time consuming, it really is.  If you’re actually doing the quality of work expected out of IB classes, it takes time.  It might not be the hardest thing in the world, but it takes time.  Many of my weekends are spent doing homework, or just IB related things (mostly art, duh..or maybe english and history...definitely history), instead of hanging out with people I used to spend all of my time with.  This creates frustration with those people, and between a lack of time and bitter feelings from them, we begin to lose people.  But that’s how it is.

IB kids are arrogant.  We think that just because we’re in all IB classes, get laptops, and are TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE IB DIPLOMA KIDS, that we’re better than everyone else.  Please, give me a life.  I know many people more intelligent than IB kids that just don’t want to take IB because it doesn’t offer the courses they’d like to take, or it isn’t their learning style.  Besides, we all know that certain IB classes are just a joke and an easy A...

IB kids like to flaunt the fact that they’re in IB.  Again, the arrogance.  They think that it’s awesome to always mention that they’re in IB.  It’s not, people get annoyed, and don’t care.  “Oh hey, in IB english...?” begins a common question in the presence of others, meant to inform those others that the speaker is in IB.  It’s superfluous, because the person you’re talking to is obviously also in IB english if you’re asking them the question.

IB kids set themselves apart intentionally.  There’s been exclusive IB costume days, exclusive IB hangouts, exclusive IB just about everything.  Because the IB kids like to set themselves apart and be seen as the IB kids.

I don’t know why I have such a vendetta against IB when I happen to be an IB kid.  Maybe I’m just bitter that I don’t have much of a life anymore.  Who cares though, I see scholarships.